All in a week.

So much of the horrible has happened I really wonder if its coincidence or a cosmic curse. See, I was already not in a good place and now, well.

Now, I’m in such a state of shock — I feel like I’m watching my life on the television and have no control on its outcome. I wish there was a button I could push and make everything right again — but that’s not how it works.

I don’t understand why all of this was necessary or if it was at all, but I do know that God is somewhere in this mess. Part of me thinks that last bit is comical, but experience tells me its not.

I’ve learned a long time ago not to get too heady with God. This will make some of your skin crawl, but seriously, if I tried to break this all down and analyze it, I couldn’t make sense of it. There’s an element of trust and obedience that’s needed that just can’t be analyzed.

I cringe a little writing this because I imagine some of you will read this and be glad that at least I’m able to hang onto God in tough circumstances. To be honest, I don’t know if that’s really the case yet. I went into this past week already a mess and now, I feel lost, a little scrambled.

Understand, I don’t have anyone to blame for all of this, its just circumstances gone wrong — its no one’s fault. Life decided to turn bad, and maybe I’m glad I don’t have the energy to process the hows and whys.

On the bright side, I’m not in Haiti, and I haven’t lost loved ones. Life could get a lot worse. I’m trying to keep perspective but its honestly a hard thing to do at the moment.