My dad and I at Disneyworld

First, there’s my biological father, Michael Hanley. He died when I was three but as soon as I learned I could forget my childhood memories, I burned his image into my brain, replaying our moments together over and over again.

He gave me a few items I’ve held onto, but mostly, my personality—strengths and weaknesses. I have his drive for instance. The strength is that I pursue my dreams wholeheartedly (a nice balance to my mother’s family). The negative, that I have potential to wear myself out. I believe his death could have been avoided if he had slowed down, so I keep this weakness close to my heart.

Second, in line is my mother’s father, Glen Pursell. I lived with him about seven years and he treated me like daughter. We played hours and hours of video games together, and as silly as it may seem, bonded along the way. He was always there to hear me and offer advice—from my childish to adult fears and concerns.

My grandpa and I with a bag of cheetos

A year out of college, I had an unfortunate incident with a borderline stalker (not enough to file a report, but enough to be concerned about). I immediately went to my gpa. He gave me wonderful advice, helped me not be afraid, and promised his gun was there to help me if I needed it (no comment on gun laws).

The day he was murdered was the worst I’ve ever had. You can tell the depth of your love for someone by the hole left when they’re gone. It hurt very much; he did a good job as a father.

The final man to tribute really hasn’t been active in my life, but I’m hoping he will. He’s my father’s father and I’m sad to say, I don’t know him at all really. He distanced himself awhile back due to some drama between him and my mother. I got my gma to call him this Father’s Day to wish him a Happy Father’s Day, but he didn’t want to speak with either my mom or I. Stubborn man, but I’m confident I’ll eventually get to him.

He’s opened to me before, on a trip I took to see him in Long Beach, and another phone conversation we had. The problem is he associates bitterness with my mom with me.  As the years tick on and he gets closer to 80, I know I’d feel regret if he passed on and I didn’t have some kind of relationship with him. Excuse the cliche, but life really is too short. We’re family, and family should at least know each other.

Anyways, I don’t know where you come from or what your relationship with your father(s) is, but from a girl who’s lost her dads, I encourage you to show them how much they mean to you.  If there’s anything you can do to mend a broken relationship, try. It might hurt, but that’s only because there’s something valuable there.

Happy Father’s Day everyone.

I crossed one of the busier streets and turned to make double-y sure I had no cars in my way before  passing a parked car. Unfortunately, my attention was in the wrong direction.

I misjudged my distance from the parked car and slammed into its left edge. I flew over the handle bars and landed right next to the car. I’ve never been so embarassed in all my life — I biked into a parked vehicle.

Understand, I have NEVER hit a car in my own car, or been responsible for ANY accident. I always felt very good about that, but now I’ve done it with a bike and a car that wasn’t even moving?!

The impact was pretty hard and I busted their back light while popping my tire. I have some bruises and my neck is a little funny, but all in all, it could have been way worse….though maybe not with a parked car.  I  left my info on their windshield but they haven’t called yet. We’ll see where that goes.

So why post about the most embarrassingly ridiculous event that’s happened to me in probably ever? Well see first I wasn’t going to let a soul in on this horrible tale because it’s such an embarrassment! And then I found myself wondering if other people made mistakes like this, other than a man down the street who heard my crash (he confessed to doing it a few times himself — very nice, and good-looking for that matter, but I digress).

I spent some time googling it to find others so I’d know I wasn’t alone in my ridiculous, embarrassing, frightening, dangerous, almost humorous incident. I found them and it made me feel better, so I decided why not open up, write about it and maybe in turn I will make someone else feel better about something they’ve done. Or maybe another googler will find my post and be encouraged they’re not the first to smash a parked car with their bike.

Thankfully, I’m signed up for a motorcycle license class, so I expect I’ll learn some tactics on knowing my surroundings and such. Until then, watch out world, I’m walking tomorrow and as I’ve done more damage to a car on bike then I ever did in car, I’ve probably got some real serious damage in store!

1. After talking to an Audi race car driver (at the zoo.. how random is that?), my suspicions were confirmed: Houston is the second worst city of drivers in the US. Ask me why some time and who’s number 1. (It’s not PC and I only give details like that off the record.)

2. I’ve been thinking of doing some extreme sports. Wait. I walk and bike in Houston… (see #1)

3. I’ve given up milk and its’ products for 3 weeks now to test if I’m allergic (long story, also told in person). Prediction: In my 40s, I write a best-selling milk-free cookbook that puts me through retirement. I then travel the world sampling cheeses ’til death.

4. My cat is a roach hunting genius. Prediction: The next time housemate Hannah’s cornered by a roach (yeah it’s happened), kitty saves the day. Hannah then lets kitty in her room at night. (After writing this, kitty attacked me. New prediction: Roaches win, kitty goes homeless.)

5. I have been compared to a Red Riding Hood figure twice this week. Prediction: It happens one more time or someone buys me a rockin’ red cape. (Everyone knows these things happen in 3′s.)

I really was born in Texas

6. Went to a small town rodeo this weekend.  I am ashamed to say I haven’t worn a cowgirl hat in 15 years. Inner Texan, I’m rediscovering you.

7. Covering my face and wearing shades did not help my poker game tonight. Prediction: I keep the head wrap, make it big—my head wrap makes me famous. (Clearly in my 50s, since my cookbook retirement is in my 40s.)

Posts coming your way:
Garbage Dreams—A review
Fixingitis— a deadly disease

Hope you enjoyed the post and if you’re visiting me from my facebook page, feel free to comment below. You’re always welcome here!

Farouk is on Fire:

Medina, oh Medina:

During this time, friends of mine compared my voice to Snow White. We look alike so I always owned it, but deep down, I hated sounding like a cartoon character.

Fast forward to today, I’ve been watching American Idol and one of the singers, Casey James, has a vibrato similar to my own. Who knows whether or not he was criticized growing up, but he’s doing well for himself, people love him and oddly, that brings me peace.

I gave up the dream to be a professional singer awhile back (which I don’t regret cause I know I didn’t want it badly enough) but I have other dreams and some of them feel impossible. Hindsight is 20/20 and a few years after my singing incident, I resolved to never let criticism (from myself or others) stop me from getting something I wanted. It’s a hard course to hold to but little things like seeing Casey James sing tonight and achieve what I thought was impossible, let me know I’m on the right track and put me to ease.

In case you’ve never heard Snow White sing, here’s a delightful clip of Snow White singing about her prince (of course )

One of what I imagine will be many, fabulous performances by Casey James:


Before my fim debute, let me introduce the characters, aka, my housemates:

Hannah—the constant encouragement, positive voice. Pride and Prejudice‘s Jane, if you will.

Ashley—the realist and sly camera girl. She uses her wily ways to get it down me…

Myself—an aspiring worm eater champion.

Without further adieu, I give you, The Worm Eater:

I hope you were at least a tad bit entertained. Didn’t realize how much we got on video til after I went to edit  (sneaky Ashley..). Still it made for a good time.

Thank you Hannah and Ashley! You’re great friends who support even ridiculous schemes such as this. I’m glad to have you in my life!!!

EDIT: To give a little back story, as one was requested, I set about creating an audition tape for something I wanted to be in, potentially. It was a shot in the dark kind of thing. This is the prep for that video. I hope that helps some.

I felt like he recognized his failings and the long walk we have ahead of us as Americans. He acknowledged the issues with unemployment, the massive debt and need for education reform (though he really could have done more with the latter, call me biased). I respect that. It was also in his interest to mention the state of the union he was handed with massive debt, and out of control spending. People expect change to happen instantaneously and that’s just not how it works. Falling down a hill is so much easier than climbing up it.

Unfortunately, as we are a part of Western culture, we expect problems to be fixed fast. We google, email and instant message — it’s in our blood to expect instant politics. (iPolitics, the next release from Apple. After the iPad, they’re going to need it!) I say, give it some more time, and during that time, how about the Democrats get organized. Learn from the Republicans, and get on the same page with one another. Not even four months after the election, the Republicans endorsed the ridiculous tea parties across the country. Add onto that all the press they got in town hall meetings and the drama with healthcare and you have a party that’s being heard. I’m not saying that what we’re hearing is logical or great press, but it is working to unite the party. They don’t need the majority of the country on their side, they just all of their party moving as one. And that’s where they’re strong.

As far as failings in the State of the Union address, he of course skirted around Guantanamo Bay and “Don’t ask, Don’t tell.” I sincerely hope he deals with these issues quickly. I also wish he hadn’t given a deadline for pulling the troops out of Iraq. In my opinion, that is a set up for failure and disappointment. Hopefully he’s able to follow through on this deadline unlike his predecessor. As soon as he said it, my muscles tensed and I had to remind myself that he’s not Bush. I’m frightened for him though, cause if he’s not able to pull troops out, people will continue to dismiss the promises he makes. But that’s the nature of politics and people’s fickle nature.

All in a week.

So much of the horrible has happened I really wonder if its coincidence or a cosmic curse. See, I was already not in a good place and now, well.

Now, I’m in such a state of shock — I feel like I’m watching my life on the television and have no control on its outcome. I wish there was a button I could push and make everything right again — but that’s not how it works.

I don’t understand why all of this was necessary or if it was at all, but I do know that God is somewhere in this mess. Part of me thinks that last bit is comical, but experience tells me its not.

I’ve learned a long time ago not to get too heady with God. This will make some of your skin crawl, but seriously, if I tried to break this all down and analyze it, I couldn’t make sense of it. There’s an element of trust and obedience that’s needed that just can’t be analyzed.

I cringe a little writing this because I imagine some of you will read this and be glad that at least I’m able to hang onto God in tough circumstances. To be honest, I don’t know if that’s really the case yet. I went into this past week already a mess and now, I feel lost, a little scrambled.

Understand, I don’t have anyone to blame for all of this, its just circumstances gone wrong — its no one’s fault. Life decided to turn bad, and maybe I’m glad I don’t have the energy to process the hows and whys.

On the bright side, I’m not in Haiti, and I haven’t lost loved ones. Life could get a lot worse. I’m trying to keep perspective but its honestly a hard thing to do at the moment.